Thank you for a wonderful lesson on tone. I appreciate both the clear directions and great examples. You also explained how and why it works. Perfect example of an advanced lesson for writers like me who are no longer beginners but a long way from being experienced masters. Bravo!
Wow, Michelle! I rewatched your tone video two days ago - can't believe that video is three years old - so this post made me gasp in the best way! Furthermore, the information is very much still relevant today :) Tone is often overlooked but a vital part to the writing process. I've always wanted to try this exercise so I'll try it now just for fun.
I'm doing your example #2; the initial tone was cozy which I tried to make creepy. The specific word and phrase choices that set this tone were: "ghost town", "derelict", "aged brick", "crumbling", "hollowed out husk", "graveyard", "choked", and "abandoned". Finally, I rewrote the passage to evoke a completely different creepy tone by changing those words and phrases.
Here is the original passage: "It was a very pretty village, even by Cotswold standards. There were two long lines of houses interspersed with shops, some low and thatched, some warm gold brick with slate roofs. There was a pub called the Red Lion at one end and a church at the other. A few straggling streets ran off this one main road where cottages leaned together as if for support in their old age. The gardens were bright with cherry blossom, forsythia and daffodils. There was an old-fashioned haberdasher’s, a post office and general store, and a butcher’s, and a shop that seemed to sell nothing other than dried flowers and to be hardly ever open."
And here's my creepy tone rewrite: "The village was a ghost town with two long lines of derelict houses interspersed with boarded-up shops, most with aged brick and crumbling slate roofs. There was the hollowed out husk of a pub called the Red Lion at one end and a church graveyard at the other. A few straggling streets ran off this one main road where cottages were smothered in ivy as though the earth were slowly trying to reclaim them. The gardens were overgrown, choked by unkempt weeds and neglected shrubs. There was an abandoned playground and a closed-down general store that occupied almost half of the block."
Not sure I nailed the tone but this was a great exercise, Michelle :)
Wow, LOVE this rewrite! Your paragraph definitely took on a completely different tone than the original. I love "cottages were smothered in ivy as though the earth were slowly trying to reclaim them" - SO creepy!!
Thank you for a wonderful lesson on tone. I appreciate both the clear directions and great examples. You also explained how and why it works. Perfect example of an advanced lesson for writers like me who are no longer beginners but a long way from being experienced masters. Bravo!
So glad this was helpful, Bruce! Thank you for reading!
Wow, Michelle! I rewatched your tone video two days ago - can't believe that video is three years old - so this post made me gasp in the best way! Furthermore, the information is very much still relevant today :) Tone is often overlooked but a vital part to the writing process. I've always wanted to try this exercise so I'll try it now just for fun.
I'm doing your example #2; the initial tone was cozy which I tried to make creepy. The specific word and phrase choices that set this tone were: "ghost town", "derelict", "aged brick", "crumbling", "hollowed out husk", "graveyard", "choked", and "abandoned". Finally, I rewrote the passage to evoke a completely different creepy tone by changing those words and phrases.
Here is the original passage: "It was a very pretty village, even by Cotswold standards. There were two long lines of houses interspersed with shops, some low and thatched, some warm gold brick with slate roofs. There was a pub called the Red Lion at one end and a church at the other. A few straggling streets ran off this one main road where cottages leaned together as if for support in their old age. The gardens were bright with cherry blossom, forsythia and daffodils. There was an old-fashioned haberdasher’s, a post office and general store, and a butcher’s, and a shop that seemed to sell nothing other than dried flowers and to be hardly ever open."
And here's my creepy tone rewrite: "The village was a ghost town with two long lines of derelict houses interspersed with boarded-up shops, most with aged brick and crumbling slate roofs. There was the hollowed out husk of a pub called the Red Lion at one end and a church graveyard at the other. A few straggling streets ran off this one main road where cottages were smothered in ivy as though the earth were slowly trying to reclaim them. The gardens were overgrown, choked by unkempt weeds and neglected shrubs. There was an abandoned playground and a closed-down general store that occupied almost half of the block."
Not sure I nailed the tone but this was a great exercise, Michelle :)
Ha! What a funny coincidence!
Wow, LOVE this rewrite! Your paragraph definitely took on a completely different tone than the original. I love "cottages were smothered in ivy as though the earth were slowly trying to reclaim them" - SO creepy!!