I love the pitch and cover and Title...I do think it would be good to see a version with trailer park on cover. I think it's fine that KITH family isn't a POV character.
I didn't get sense if the sci fi element from the pitch though.
I think the target audience is clear. Maybe add a few details that will lure people in but not give away too much of the mystery. Is the urban legend one that would be familiar to your audience - or one that is totally made up for the serial? If based on a popular urban legend, I would add barely enough detail to identify which one it is. On the other hand, you might want to make people dive in to discover exactly which urban legend. I love the detail of Dawn living in a trailer park. This is the kind of detail that makes the pitch less generic. Is she an urban legend geek? I wouldn't worry too much about the cover matching the pitch. The mismatch might even make readers curious. I'm an illustrator by profession, though not for book covers, but I'd say it's better if there's a little bit of tension between the jacket text and the cover image. If the house is featured prominently in the story, I don't see any reason not to use it for the cover. I would say it depends on what's more important to the mood of the story. The best illustrations enhance the text rather than simply reiterating what you're reading.
This is so helpful - thanks, Tim! It's a made up urban legend. The more I think about it, the more I might want to just give a cover designer lots of details and see what they come up with! That's such a good point about the tension between the jacket/cover. The house definitely features prominently in the story. Lots of food for thought here - thank you again!
As someone who enjoys more cosmic/existential horror than thriller/true crime-type horror, I would probably pass on this unless I got an idea from the pitch that it also focused on a tense atmosphere. Right now, this feels focused toward people who enjoy fast-paced stories with snappy dialogue and short chapters rather than something that goes slower and takes a LOT of time building up a sense of unease.
If that's what you're going for, fantastic, great job! I'll give it a whirl when you start posting it, but I may lapse because I personally don't tend to gravitate to this sort of story. For contrast, if you wanted to indicate more of a Southern Gothic vibe, then I'd expect the pitch to lead with the blackout and trailer park before going into the character and her occupation.
But I do get a decent sense of target audience from this, especially with that cover! Despite not reading these sorts of books back in the day, I saw them all the time at the library. It's like the painted fantasy covers of the 80s-90s. There's just a nice, nostalgic vibe to them.
Thanks so much! I love the slow build of tension too…but I do worry about keeping readers ‘hooked’ in the serial format. Honestly, I don’t think I’m going to have an idea of the kind of pacing I’m going for until I start writing.
Does this pitch give you a decent idea of what the story is about?
- yes, but the single sentence pitch should include something about the "sinister forces infecting the locals" - that sounds a bit like stranger things and is very compelling!
What the target audience might be?
- I agree with others below, millennials and those who are into 90s culture and/or Stephen King would find this interesting. If you add a nod to Dawn acting like a true crime detective that might open you up to the crime/mystery readers and true crime podcast listening communities.
Is anything confusing?
- I didn't immediately understand what the sinister force was. Is the boy a ghost? Is he possessed by a demon? Are we talking about the devil, or is this a paranormal situation? I think if you want to focus on a niche, you'd want to clearly state what the topic is.
As for the pitches, does Dawn's 911 dispatch job come into play? Is that how she is involved with the town's issue? There's some disconnect between her external obstacle (losing job) and internal obstacle (trust her gut). I think "losing her mind" due to chronic pain is more in-line with trusting her gut (punny if her chronic pain is gut related!).
Anyways, the book cover looks real cool, I wonder if adding her in the foreground (looking at the house) would be enough of a nod to the main character of the story? Maybe if you want to focus on Dawn more, the image should be the phone receiver (her role) or her trailer could be located near the house? Or the house could be on a hill above the surrounding small town lights? Your concept is so cool, it's got my creative brain moving. Looking forward to seeing how you develop it all!
Wow, thank you SO much for this! These are such excellent notes. I definitely need to revisit the mention of the boy/urban legend. Interesting that you mentioned Stranger Things (one of my inspirations for sure) because when I was going through those Studiobinder videos, they used ST's pitch as an example and it didn't mention Eleven - it was about Will going missing and his friends fighting evil in their quest to find him. Perhaps I need to try a version of this pitch that doesn't focus on the boy and adds a bit more about the vague "sinister forces." Thank you again!!!
I really love the cover, definitely 1990s horror vibes! I didn’t understand what you mean by “lost boy straight out of an urban legend”, and the sinister force “infecting locals” makes me wonder if it’s a medical infection instead of a supernatural possession.
Supernatural sci-fi is my forever favorite genre combination and it always makes me happy to see someone else working on a book that fits this category!
LOVE the mockup cover and I do get that 90s Stephen King / Dean Koontz vibe, Michelle! As someone born in the 80s who grew up in the 90s, I'm psyched about the eerie happenings in this small town. And I actually LIKE the mention of the trailer park as I immediately get a sense of who Dawn is and who the small town community is (versus a house). If you do decide to go that route, replacing the house on the cover with a trailer park should be an easy fix :)
The cover is great for portraying the feeling of a spooky mystery, but I wonder immediately about the connection between Dawn and the Kith family. Who is she to them and they to her? Maybe a tiny note in the pitch would help the overall picture. The first thing that popped into my mind was "The Great Gatsby." That narrator had very little to do with Gatsby's story, but he was critical as the narrator. Is Dawn something like that? Maybe making some kind of brief connection between the Kiths and their orbit would help?
The overall effect is great. Your pitch and the cover tell me exactly what type of book/series it will be. I've never read much in the way of spooky mysteries, but am looking forward to see how your story develops and reading it when the time comes.
It sounds like a good pitch & the audience is clear, just add more about the sci-fi elements. I think Stephen King is a good choice.
Thanks so much, Ada!
I love the pitch and cover and Title...I do think it would be good to see a version with trailer park on cover. I think it's fine that KITH family isn't a POV character.
I didn't get sense if the sci fi element from the pitch though.
Thanks so much, Kim! I’m definitely going to be reworking it to try and hint at the sci-fi part.
I think the target audience is clear. Maybe add a few details that will lure people in but not give away too much of the mystery. Is the urban legend one that would be familiar to your audience - or one that is totally made up for the serial? If based on a popular urban legend, I would add barely enough detail to identify which one it is. On the other hand, you might want to make people dive in to discover exactly which urban legend. I love the detail of Dawn living in a trailer park. This is the kind of detail that makes the pitch less generic. Is she an urban legend geek? I wouldn't worry too much about the cover matching the pitch. The mismatch might even make readers curious. I'm an illustrator by profession, though not for book covers, but I'd say it's better if there's a little bit of tension between the jacket text and the cover image. If the house is featured prominently in the story, I don't see any reason not to use it for the cover. I would say it depends on what's more important to the mood of the story. The best illustrations enhance the text rather than simply reiterating what you're reading.
This is so helpful - thanks, Tim! It's a made up urban legend. The more I think about it, the more I might want to just give a cover designer lots of details and see what they come up with! That's such a good point about the tension between the jacket/cover. The house definitely features prominently in the story. Lots of food for thought here - thank you again!
You could probably avoid mentioning a trailer park just by saying after a power outage.
agreed! I think I’m going with a shorter pitch in general - I tried to pack too much in.
As someone who enjoys more cosmic/existential horror than thriller/true crime-type horror, I would probably pass on this unless I got an idea from the pitch that it also focused on a tense atmosphere. Right now, this feels focused toward people who enjoy fast-paced stories with snappy dialogue and short chapters rather than something that goes slower and takes a LOT of time building up a sense of unease.
If that's what you're going for, fantastic, great job! I'll give it a whirl when you start posting it, but I may lapse because I personally don't tend to gravitate to this sort of story. For contrast, if you wanted to indicate more of a Southern Gothic vibe, then I'd expect the pitch to lead with the blackout and trailer park before going into the character and her occupation.
But I do get a decent sense of target audience from this, especially with that cover! Despite not reading these sorts of books back in the day, I saw them all the time at the library. It's like the painted fantasy covers of the 80s-90s. There's just a nice, nostalgic vibe to them.
Thanks so much! I love the slow build of tension too…but I do worry about keeping readers ‘hooked’ in the serial format. Honestly, I don’t think I’m going to have an idea of the kind of pacing I’m going for until I start writing.
Love your stuff! Keep sharing :)
Does this pitch give you a decent idea of what the story is about?
- yes, but the single sentence pitch should include something about the "sinister forces infecting the locals" - that sounds a bit like stranger things and is very compelling!
What the target audience might be?
- I agree with others below, millennials and those who are into 90s culture and/or Stephen King would find this interesting. If you add a nod to Dawn acting like a true crime detective that might open you up to the crime/mystery readers and true crime podcast listening communities.
Is anything confusing?
- I didn't immediately understand what the sinister force was. Is the boy a ghost? Is he possessed by a demon? Are we talking about the devil, or is this a paranormal situation? I think if you want to focus on a niche, you'd want to clearly state what the topic is.
As for the pitches, does Dawn's 911 dispatch job come into play? Is that how she is involved with the town's issue? There's some disconnect between her external obstacle (losing job) and internal obstacle (trust her gut). I think "losing her mind" due to chronic pain is more in-line with trusting her gut (punny if her chronic pain is gut related!).
Anyways, the book cover looks real cool, I wonder if adding her in the foreground (looking at the house) would be enough of a nod to the main character of the story? Maybe if you want to focus on Dawn more, the image should be the phone receiver (her role) or her trailer could be located near the house? Or the house could be on a hill above the surrounding small town lights? Your concept is so cool, it's got my creative brain moving. Looking forward to seeing how you develop it all!
Wow, thank you SO much for this! These are such excellent notes. I definitely need to revisit the mention of the boy/urban legend. Interesting that you mentioned Stranger Things (one of my inspirations for sure) because when I was going through those Studiobinder videos, they used ST's pitch as an example and it didn't mention Eleven - it was about Will going missing and his friends fighting evil in their quest to find him. Perhaps I need to try a version of this pitch that doesn't focus on the boy and adds a bit more about the vague "sinister forces." Thank you again!!!
Yes to a spooky story set in 1995! Love the cover. My questions are: does Dawn have contact with the lost boy or she just sees him?
"When her attempt to help awakens a sinister force..." Does that mean she helped the lost boy that night? Do we need to know how she helped?
People who like spooky stories would love this, including Gen Xers and elderly Millenials who remember that time. 😁 Good luck!
Thank you so much, Jordan!! That's VERY helpful!!
I really love the cover, definitely 1990s horror vibes! I didn’t understand what you mean by “lost boy straight out of an urban legend”, and the sinister force “infecting locals” makes me wonder if it’s a medical infection instead of a supernatural possession.
I agree, I didn't understand what that meant either :)
That is SUPER helpful, thank you!!!
That cover is incredible!! And now I want to go watch that YouTube series and learn too. Good luck!
Thanks Sarah!! That channel is my FAVORITE. So helpful.
Supernatural sci-fi is my forever favorite genre combination and it always makes me happy to see someone else working on a book that fits this category!
LOVE the mockup cover and I do get that 90s Stephen King / Dean Koontz vibe, Michelle! As someone born in the 80s who grew up in the 90s, I'm psyched about the eerie happenings in this small town. And I actually LIKE the mention of the trailer park as I immediately get a sense of who Dawn is and who the small town community is (versus a house). If you do decide to go that route, replacing the house on the cover with a trailer park should be an easy fix :)
Hi Michelle,
The cover is great for portraying the feeling of a spooky mystery, but I wonder immediately about the connection between Dawn and the Kith family. Who is she to them and they to her? Maybe a tiny note in the pitch would help the overall picture. The first thing that popped into my mind was "The Great Gatsby." That narrator had very little to do with Gatsby's story, but he was critical as the narrator. Is Dawn something like that? Maybe making some kind of brief connection between the Kiths and their orbit would help?
The overall effect is great. Your pitch and the cover tell me exactly what type of book/series it will be. I've never read much in the way of spooky mysteries, but am looking forward to see how your story develops and reading it when the time comes.