"Am I too old to get a book deal?"

Let's talk about ageism in publishing, befriending other authors, and making time to write.

I’m in a reflective mood today, so I figured it was the ideal time to answer this question (or rather, questions):

Maybe something about making friends with other authors. Reflections on your own journey and where you are now. How to really make time for writing with a busy life, and some encouragement for those who are worried about publishing and their age! Writenow Dream

Like most introverted writers, I’m not good at making new friends. When I moved to NYC in 2012, all my writer friends were online (and none of them lived in NYC). I love my online friends—never underestimate the power of building a writing community online, seriously. I went to conferences with those friends. I talked to them every day. They were there through my first failed query journey, and my second successful one. They were there when my first book went on submission and didn’t sell. And they were there when I got my first book deal. It’s definitely not an exaggeration to say I wouldn’t have gotten that far without them.

But after years of moving around and living abroad, I was ready to be in NYC for awhile—and I wanted to make some IRL friends too. So I sucked it up and did something very, very against my nature.

First, I went to a few book launch parties and chatted with fellow authors. In particular, I went to debut launches because I was a year out from my first novel being released and I wanted to meet other authors around the same stage. Once I had some contacts, I organized a picnic in Central Park and invited maybe a dozen or so writers I’d met. (Again, I cannot emphasize how out of my comfort zone this was! Not just organizing a meet-up with people I’d just met, but planning a picnic?? No. Event planning is not my thing. And yes, I count picnics as events.)

It was really fun, and not only did I keep in touch with pretty much all of them over the years, three of them became my best friends. Still are!

The funny thing is, all of them are authors but only one is still writing and publishing books. The other two have moved on to other endeavors. But it doesn’t matter, because they aren’t my writer friends. They’re my friends.

Something I think we don’t talk about enough in the writing community is how insecure we all are about our publishing journeys. And I’m not going to lie; not everyone I met that first year of trying to make friends was cool. Some were blatantly judgmental, looking to climb the ladder and only interested in connecting with authors who had deals as good as, or better than, their own. (Sound superficial? It is!)

But please know not everyone is like that. My first book deal was a paperback-only MG series at an imprint that largely specialized in licensed stuff like MadLibs. It was very much NOT a 6-figure deal. I had my insecurities. I met one of the aforementioned best friends at a launch party and learned she’d gotten a BIG deal for a YA fantasy series at an incredible imprint. My insecurities tripled. But once we realized we were both obsessed with Doctor Who, it was over. I immediately felt like we’d been friends for years. We also started beta reading for one another (at her suggestion). There was zero judgement from her about my books. In fact, she read them all and posted all over her socials about how much she loved them.

Watch out for the publishing ladder climbers. They’re out there, for sure. But I think they’re pretty easy to spot, and most everyone else is super nice and supportive.

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I get a fair amount of ghostwriting requests. And one of the most common phrases I see is this: “I have this great idea for a book, but I just don’t have the time to write it.”

I always have to refrain from replying: “You mean you don’t want to make the time to write it.”

My first favorite TV show was Dick Van Dyke. (Anyone else have a Nick at Nite childhood?) And one episode I remember vividly was when Rob, jealous upon learning a buddy’s novel has been released, decides to finally write HIS great novel. He takes time off work and drives to a cabin alone in the mountains, no Laura, no Ricky, just him and his typewriter for a whole weekend of work.

He sits down, fingers on the keyboard, and announces, “This is it!”

Cut to Rob playing paddle ball.

He spends the whole time in that cabin creating distractions instead of writing. Rob’s a guy with a busy life, writing for a TV show, wife and kid at home, lots of friends, etc. But he didn’t need to hole up in an isolated cabin to write a book. He just needed to find a few times a week where he replaced something low priority with writing.

For us, maybe that means watching a little less YouTube or Netflix, or finding a way to speed up our meal prep or cooking process, or simply waking up half an hour earlier. If you want to write a book, it’s just a matter of finding the time. I know a writer who’s also an ER nurse. If I find myself thinking “I don’t have the time to write,” I remind myself that if she can find time, surely I can too.

And you don’t even have to write every day! I’ve never been a fan of that advice. Maybe it looks like writing a chapter every weekend. Maybe it looks like writing for half an hour after work three days a week. I actually recommend NOT writing every day. Because on those days off, your mind is going to be on your book, that story is going to be percolating, and by the time your next writing session arrives, your fingers will be itching to type.

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Finally, let’s talk about ageism in publishing.

Does it exist? Yes. Without a doubt.

Should you worry about it? No. Not at all.

Why? Because it’s not helpful to your writing journey. It’s actually detrimental. There is undoubtedly a lot of __ism and __phobia in this industry. And that’s only going to change when people point it out, so believe me, I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t discuss it. But it’s important that on an individual level, it doesn’t become a self-fulfilling prophecy. “Only kids breaking out on TikTok are getting book deals so I shouldn’t even try.” Well, the one way to guarantee you’ll never get a book deal is not writing a book!

Your brain is giving you reasons not to try by suggesting failure is inevitable. But that’s not true. Go ahead and check out the deal announcements for the last few months. Look for debuts. Is every single one a Gen Z TikTok star?

No. Of course not. Fact: there are new authors of all ages getting deals every month. One day, you could be one of them. Don’t let your brain convince you otherwise.